Cullen Shagger D: Romancing the Nessie
by shallowswan
Summary: Renesmee might be promiced to Jacob, but that dosn't mean she's immune to the passion and heartbreak of first love. Vampire Hunter D might be stoic and emotionless now, but that doesn't mean he's never before known love. And repeated embarrassment .
1. Intro: Once Every Hundred Years

_Authors Ramble: Hello readers! If you have read my work before than you'll notice this is FAR unlike my other stories. I am not trying to be epic, or phenomenal (but if I get lucky and write something touching then that's all good to!) , I just feel like writing something a bit more lighthearted and…smutty. Not to worry, I am still dedicating the blunt of my attention on my current saga, what is left is presented here. There is not much in the way of erotic D fiction…and I kind of hate writing smut. So naturally here I go writing a whole freaking story on it. I gotta get over my fears somehow right? I am always seeking to improve myself...my writing self anyway. _

_I am an AVID Vampire Hunter D fan, as you may well know, but merely a poser fan of Twilight so bear with me if I mess up a minor detail. I just couldn't help but notice the similaries between D and Renesme. This is a bit AU in accordance with the timeline of events from both fandoms, but ah well. It's just fan fiction. I will be borrowing a few terms and ideas from my wonderful friend and amazing writer __**Master of the Boot**__. Lastly I dedicate this one to all the wise girls out there who would rather choose D over Edward Cullen any day!_

* * *

**Cullen Shagger D: Romancing the Nessie**

**Prologue: Once Every Hundred Years**

_"We know that more than seventy to eighty percent of women masturbate, and ninety percent of men masturbate, and the rest lie." - Joycelyn Elders_

_**12,095 A.D** _

D, the infamous and mysterious Vampire Hunter, was staring blankly at the sun as it tried it's best to claw it's way through the heavy, dusty curtains that were pulled over the window. The room was small, insignificant and sparely furnished but the glittering; curved blade that rested against the bed looked quite out of place in the dingy room. The refined and gorgeous features of the Hunter in black, whose eyes and waist length hair were as black as his raiment appeared equally out of place in the bland room. The immense black hat and coat he'd laid across the single chair did not appear so out of place, they like the rest of the clothing the Hunter wore was badly frayed, and many times mended, however the armor he still wore on his chest and legs was shining with a beautiful gleam.

Judging from the angle of the sun it was about 5pm. Most dhampirs rested between the hours of noon and 8pm, since 1pm D had been lying in the lumpy hotel bed and awaited sleep that did not arrive. 5pm might as well have been the dhampir equivalent to 5am. It was obvious that rest was going to elude him this mid-day, but he was at a loss of what else he could do to occupy his time. He'd been out of work for two weeks, the Nobility were scarce in this sector of the Frontier, and this town's idea of entertainment was beer and whores, neither of which appealed in the slightest to the stoic hunter. There wasn't a single library or book seller, no decaying ruins with bit of history to them…not even a museum to snag D's interest. Just alcohol and cheap sex.

D shifted away from the thin band of sunlight and actually pummeled the pillow (not noticing that half the stuffing flew from it as he did so.) as though this might alleviate his uncharacteristic insomnia. There was another, rather unsavory reason for his unrest, one that he despised to acknowledge but was demanding his attention all the same.

A hoarse voice cackled from D's left hand "Ha-ha! Aww come on now Pretty Boy! It's no use. If you REALLY want to get some shut eye than you'll have to beat something else besides that pillow!" another dry crackle of laughter, "Deny it all you wish, but you need it! You need it just like you need the blood, just like WANT the blood. I don't see much use in fighting the urge, I mean hell, if I had a cock I don't think I could ever keep it in my pants!"

"Shut up." D hissed in a tone of utmost annoyance, a tone that only the symbiotic parasite living in his left hand could have summoned from him. "I don't want to hear such vulgarities."

The parasite chucked again, "Aww jeeze, what in the world is wrong with you? Any man in the world…human, Nobel, dhampir, werewolf…anything male is thrilled to whip it out and give it a yank in a millisecond of notice. You act like it's a chore to get yourself off…"

D had long ceased listening to the symboite even though the damned creature was right. For weeks now D had been feeling a sudden and burning need…a growing _lust, _building steadily with him. It was not yet an insatiable need for sex, but given a few more days it would be.

For now at least it was a need for pleasure and release, a fleeting escape from the cold harshness of his dire reality. This behavior was as random and unavoidable as sun sickness, but it seemed to strike once every century or so. The last time these primal urges had struck had been at least 140 hundred years ago, but suddenly it seemed to the stoic Hunter as if he'd suffered this inconvenience a mere 20 minutes ago. If he did not grant himself release soon than his need would grow into an infection that raged into mind and body. He would yearn for another, any other. Someone to kiss, hold and make love to or even just fuck like an animal, at that point it didn't matter.

It was a desire that may well prove deathly to whatever woman fulfilled it. To fall into the clutches of bedding a Hunter…most especially a dhampir Hunter was as good as suicide. Besides, D was well aware that he could never be close to anyone, fate had far more grandiose plans for him that a marriage, children and a white picket fence. But despite the undisputable facts that gnawing lust refused to die away.

"So…the basis of the situation, either risk your heart and sanity to get laid or masturbate and just forget about it? I am I summarizing it up fair enough for you?" laughed the hoarse little voice.

The Hunter actually breathed a defeated sort of sigh as he began to unbuckle his belt with his right hand.

"Well finally starting to see some reason are we?" the parasite cackled as D stripped off his belt.

"Shut up." he hissed, "And make yourself scarce."

"Ha. Don't need to tell me twice. I am just lookin' out for you D, but I haven't a mite of interest in _looking." _the parasites voice was quickly fading away.

When he was certain that his currently unwelcome companion was gone D used both hands to unbutton his black trousers and pushed them down his hips. He may be burning with urges, but his body didn't yet show any "hard" evidence of that. Looking upon his naked genitals he felt a strange sense of both fascination and revulsion. In truth it wasn't often that he saw his own naked body. Dhampirs rarely sweated so the most showering he ever needed was if he found himself covered in blood after a brutal battle. His body absorbed every bit of protein, vitamin and mineral that he took in so he had no need to eliminate. He certainly could not recall the last time he'd exposed himself to make love; he just vaguely seemed to know that he had done so in a far distant past.

He felt that his naked self looked like the most ridiculous sight in the world, a white deflated windsock set atop of a wrinkled sack of flesh; both formations were also ridiculously proportioned. D's idealistic father had created him for the purpose of utmost glory, for creating a master race for the Nobility, and therefore had equipped the Hunter with tools far too oversized for D's needs. D however often wished he'd been born utterly sexless. He cared little for pleasure and even less for reproduction, and what was gender assignment but a way of telling how one felt pleasure and reproduced? Besides those two annoying and useless formations of flesh between his thighs did nothing but occasionally demand his attention and throbbed like hell fire if he had to ride his horse bareback.

His thoughts regarding a naked woman were not much better.

Perhaps it was just his line of work but when he thought of a naked woman he could think of only of the ones he'd rescued. The ones who had been shamed, raped and humiliated by the Nobles that tormented them. It didn't matter how large or supple their breast, how toned and sensual their bodies, or even how tempting their necks were…D could think of only of a naked woman as a poor, helpless creature that had been violated and savaged. Sometimes these poor women would cling to him in search of comfort that he was unable give them, their desperation was the most shameful sight of all.

He thought distantly of the last time he'd held a woman. It had been two weeks ago. There was little that was soft, and beautiful about the tormented and shrieking 20 year old he'd rescued from the bowels of a Nobel stronghold. She'd been more than just a blood source for them, by the time D rescued her she'd had her breasts ripped right from her body and her genitalia had been mutilated beyond recognition. At least she'd not clung to him for comfort, the day after he rescued her she'd died of massive infection despite his best efforts to stave off that as well.

_How in the world I am I ever supposed to feel pleasure when I have seen such things? To eyes that have glimpsed hell this world is just a hollow illusion. _

He sighed deeply and with a grudging resignation took his limp prick into his hand in desperate attempt to feel something vaguely pleasurable. _Wank off or rip out some poor woman's heart? Decisions, decisions…_

_I could just give up one of these days, fall in love…actually marry…but why? Why curse any woman to the pain of loving the son of Dracula? By all rights I should not even be alive, I am not human, vampire or even dhampir. I am nothing but genetic engineering coupled with a passionate love story, that's not natural. I am not of this world or any others…_

"You're going about this all wrong…" rose a sudden hoarse voice.

D jolted in surprise and tore his hand away from his crotch, even if it had been the right hand he had no intention of touching himself within sight of the parasite, "Goddamn it! I thought that I told you to go away!" he roared the words so loudly the walls rumbled.

"Hey! I am not lookin'! I am just saying your doing it all wrong. If you want to take care of your little situation then thinking of poor helpless women and how much you hate your existence isn't going to do it. Your going to need some help, you know…something like Play-Vamp, Bloody Babes, or Juggs, or my favorite Gigantic Asses."

D sneered in annoyance, 'I know how to masturbate! And you do not have genitals, how can you possible manipulate them or have any reason to look at pornography?"

"I admire!" the hand replied nonchalantly, "It just a suggestion. I'd check the drawers or in the closet. Some horny business man is bound to leave some wank mags behind."

"Thank you for that useless suggestion, now GO AWAY!"

"Jeeze…" the symbiote grumbled and again faded from sight.

D made no attempt to search for any forgotten pornography. He's only felt desire for such cheap imagery before he'd lost his virginity (or at least willingly lost it.) at the age of 16. Afterwards he felt only pity for the women featured in pornography, poor creatures that were either so dull of mind or desperate for work that they had no choice but to display their bodies in absurd and unnatural posses.

The most beautiful woman that he'd ever before seen did not have breasts that took up her entire torso, nor a buttocks that projected a foot past her hips, and she'd not been featured in a magazine with her ass reared in the air like a cat in heat.

In a vivid rush of imagery, imagery D usually fought viciously to suppress, the memory of the most glorious woman he'd ever beheld came rushing back to him. She'd been portioned in a most lovely, slender yet sensual sort of way. Her breasts and hips were so smooth and so delicately curved they could have been sculpted from the marble of a master artist. She'd been pale, but she did not possess D's stark white skin, her icy flesh had always possessed a subtle flush of color, a blood tinged pinkness that caused her to glow whether she was in the sunlight or in the candlelight. The first time he'd ever seen that lovely woman unclothed she'd not been twisted into a lustful pose, she'd just been laying beneath him and panting for his lips on her skin, her bronze curls were loose and strewn wildly across the pillow. Her tawny colored eyes were rapt with lust, but her full and glossy lips had merely trembled, instead of begged him to fuck her like a dirty whore.

Now he could recall the first time he'd kissed those lips as soft as satin, he could still taste the sweetness of the gloss she wore, remember the feel of the rain upon his frigid skin and hear the dull growl of thunder about them. He could still recall the moment he'd glanced upon her dark eyes as she'd pushed her pink, heart shaped sunglasses up into her hair, and he still felt the jolt of understanding that passed between them, as well as the mutual shock of desire.

With a soft gasp D realized that his body had began to respond to his long forgotten desires. Blood was now rushing into his groin, and now he wanted more than anything to submit to that desire. Again he took himself into his hand, and focused the whole of his consciousness into pulling forth the memories he'd cast into oblivion. Each were memories he'd willingly thrown aside because of the pain attached to them. At that moment there was no Vampire Hunter D, not a shard of his consciousness was kept on guard. (Of course if any had dared to attack him at such a time they likely would have been paralyzed with the raw sensual beauty of the naked Hunter. D's glorious looks was his final and often most dangerous weapon.) Now there was only D, the dark, tormented, and unendingly solitary half vampire son of Dracula.

Once…eons ago it seemed to D, there had been a time when there was no "Vampire Hunter D". There had been a time when he'd just been D…and there had been her. It was a time when he was 21 in mortal years and would never have dreamed at the age of 10,000 he would be an infamous slayer of his own kind. It was a time when the Nobility were not the Nobility, but merely vampires in hiding. Nosferatu was the most agreed upon name. It had been a time when humans were the pompous owners of the Earth. A time when they thought their IPods, constant Twitter updates and cars capable of 200 MPH at the max were the most glorious things in the universe. It was in those final fleeting years of humanities rule that he'd met the first dhampir he'd ever known. She'd been his first…and truthfully his only love.

The memory of her name brought fire surging through D's veins and he uttered a soft moan as the first tendrils of pleasure seized his body.

Renesmee Cullen.


	2. 1: Vampires Don't Have Fangs

_Authors Ramble: A word on the opening…yes…inspired from Aqua Teen. Why? Cuz it's awesome. ;) It is utterly detached from the rest of the story._

_Yes…D is supposed to be OOC. He's "21" not 11,000 or however old he happens to be. (Kikuchi isn't clear on that.) Warning for drug usage, and a lot of potty mouth. Basically rated M for a good reason. And if you can't laugh a bit at both the Twilight and Vampire Hunter D saga, and if you just can't stomach the idea of a crossover between the two, than just don't read it. _

* * *

**_Laboratory of Castle_ _Dracula_ **

_**South Transylvanian Shore**_

"Gentleman, BEHOLD!" Dracula roared as he threw his arms up in triumph, "I have created the world's biggest douche bag!"

Dracula yanked a scarlet curtain down from an enclosure to reveal a pudgy, long haired man with the complexion of undercooked pizza. His bottle black hair looked as if it hadn't seen a shower in about ten days, and he wore a ragged, stained band shirt that once was black. He was the personification of a half hearted attempt at Goth.

There were two other figures standing on the other side of Dracula and the douche. "What the hell is that thing supposed to be?" said one of the figures, the one that was the spitting image of Dracula. His face was contorted in disgust, there were few smells quite as rank as that of a unwashed human. The other figure didn't appear to notice the stench at all. He was squat, with ginger hair and a wild gleam in his eye. He wore an immense top hat that would have rivaled the Mad Hatter's with a card stuck in the side that read _" I am Renfield. All flies bow to me!"_ And flies swarmed en masse around him.

"THIS!" Dracula shoved the slightly dazed young man forward, "This is what the biggest douche in the world looks like, my son! This is the EX! _THIS_ is the reason for all the pain, the suffering, the lack of inspiration and the lack interest in sex that has plagued the female population! _THIS_ douche is the one that women can't believe they slept with in a drunken stupor. _THIS_ is the douche that won't hold back her hair if she pukes. _THIS _is the douche that would accuse of women cheating for _Twilight_, for logging onto Myspace, for leaving the house! This is him, the reason for all hell on earth, he is THE EX!" Dracula hunched over in a fit of evil laughter, "BWAHAHAHA! I AM I NOT A GENIUS SON?"

"Well, would you enlighten me to the point of this creation?" said D, the apparent son of the raving madman.

At this point the EX began to speak, " You won't fuckin' belive what my girlfriend is doin' to me. I mean, listen to this shit! She went to the library. Said she was going to get a book. She was in there ten minutes! TEN MINUTES come on! Whut I think she's doing is sucking some book geeks dick. I KNOW it. All my friends say so! She's cheatin on me. That's so not gangster."

D rolled his eyes, apparently his fathers latest creation was a bit of douche, "Could it be that she really was just getting a book?"

"Oh I see!" he roared. "Thems fightin' words, bring it on pointy ears. Was it YOUR dick she was choking on. I'll bet it was." He curled his hammy hands into fists and raised them in a half hearted attempt at a fighting stance.

"I'll bet she'd dream of chocking on mine than yours, women don't like the taste of ten days of piss and sweat in their mouths." D answered pointedly.

The EX screamed in fury and trembled with rage.

Dracula howled above the douche EX, "The point? The point my son is that this symbolic ex is costing me a very prestigious title. The title that you yourself have nominated me for time and time again. The Biggest Douche In The Universe! That is MY honor! I AM THE SOLE SORCE OF PAIN, ACCUSTION AND DOUCHENESS IN THIS UNIVERSE! I cannot allow this EX to steal it from me, HE MUST DIE!"

EX didn't appear to hear the mad vampires words, at last he lunged at D with his ill practiced fists flying. D merely stepped aside, causing the EX to stumble and fall forward onto his face. His body suddenly burst outward in the manner of a water balloon, it appeared he was filled with water, baking soda and iodine, all the basic ingredients found in feminine cleansing products.

"Wow, I must say I am impressed. He really was a douche. That was one of your better works."

"That's the spirit sonny boy!" Dracula's voice boomed with pride, "Now….now NOTHING can stop me from earning the honored title of THE BIGGEST DOUCHE IN THE UNIVERSE! BWAHAHAHA!"

* * *

**Chapter One: Vampires Don't Have Fangs**

"_Instead of taking five or six of the prescriptions, I decided to go a natural route and smoke marijuana." -Melissa Etheridge_

_**January 17, 2007 AD**_

At the age of "18" D received a very generous, and yet not all together unexpected present from his father. The American equivalent to 10 million dollars in cash, and three major credit cards with a limit of 500,000 dollars each.

"The best way for you to learn about the world that shall one day be your kingdom is to live in all of its environments." said Vlad Dracula as beamed with pride, and almost affectionately he hugged his son tightly to his chest. He didn't appear to notice that his son, that was the spitting image of himself, was cringing almost comically in his father's embrace. "Today will be your last day within the walls of my castle; it's time for you to go and to see the world that will one day be ours. Go, and learn the human race, looked for others _like_ yourself, I can assure that they do exist, and do not forgot your purpose!"

"What?" D answered seething, as thought he wasn't holding two immense brown sacks emblazoned with dollar bill signs on the front. D found the comical sacks of money almost as revolting as his father. "To fuck as many women as possible and ensure the creation of a new race of vampire? The only reason I exist on this Earth?"

Vlad Dracula had always been a man…or rather a vampire that was preoccupied with the tackiest of flair; be it in the cars he drove, the whimsical castles he built, and most especially in his style of dress. In truth D didn't know what was considered normal fashion for human or vampire but he knew instinctively that his father's current outfit was a painful eyesore. There wasn't a pimp or dysfunctional celebrity on Earth that could have compared to Dracula's current threads. He was wearing a vest that appeared to be made of a real gorilla's chest, an electric pink poet shirt with sparkling laces that were undone to reveal an amount of chest hair that would have put Austin Powers to shame, his rainbow coloured short shorts stopped about two inches past his hips, and they left nothing from the outline of his groin, to the black jungle of hair below his knees to the imagination. Naturally a vampire couldn't be without his cape, but the cape the self appointed "King of the Vampires" wore was lime green, and adorned on all edges with stiffly jutting peacock feathers, his platform shoes took him an extra foot off the ground and rotting gold fish sloshed inside of the soles. But when Dracula smirked, his vicious half inch long fangs were bared and effectively took the edge of the absurdity of his dress.

"Quite right my son, but please, I prefer you to "make love" rather than "fuck" whenever possible. Ah, that reminds me!"

Dracula's white gloved hands plunged into one of the thousands of pockets lined in his cape and emerged with a handful of cellophane wrapped squares.

"Condoms?" D almost laughed at the sight, and swore he felt his hand burning with embarrassment has Dracula thrust the latex into his right hand.

"Of course not! Only in appearance. A lot of human women will not let you into their beds without one of these, but not to worry! These are my own special design, they are perforated with enough microscopic openings to allow your seed to pass through, and none will be the wiser! Clever, yes?"

"Utterly ingenious." D said blandly as he stuffed the condoms into the sacks of money without a second glance. He made mental note to throw them into Arges River, along with the sacks emblazed with money signs once he found a reputable bank for the cash.

"Now, off you go! And don't forget, there are 50 doses of what humans call "roofies" in each of those sacks. Slip them into the drinks of human women, and within a hour they will be yours to inseminate. Call if you need me for any more. Now you send me postcards and pictures of your children! I love you Dracula!"

D turned without a word of thanks, and merely shot his middle finger back at his father. D knew little about the world outside, but D knew enough it was an offensive gesture. He'd seen an American vampire that once stayed at the castle doing it constantly. "DON'T call me THAT!"

Dracula laughed briefly, fangs flashing and shot his middle finger back at his son. Most weeks this was their only means of communication. "Make me proud Dracula!"

"FUCK YOU!" D cried back as he disappeared swiftly from sight.

Castle Dracula was a sprawling, and cleverly hidden fortress deep within the Carpathian Mountains, not to far from the legendary Borgo Pass like in the novel that bore D's father's name, but the castle the son of Dracula had grown within was far from a crumbling ruin. In fact it bore a slight resemblance to Michael Jackson's Neverland Ranch more than anything else. There rooms after rooms of priceless crown jewels, Faberge Eggs, and Ming vase collections, gilded furniture, arcades, an amusement park, a petting zoo….the only difference being that none of these things were the luxuries of a man that was a child at heart. In each splendorous room there hung men impaled on six foot tall stakes. The "arcades" in truth featured games of survival that could have been crafted by the manic killer from the _Saw_ franchise. The amusement park consisted largely of guillotines, roller coasters that were meant to be faulty and iron maidens, and all of the animals in the petting zoo bore the fangs of vampires.

It was on a bridge within the zoo that D found his mother, Mina. One of the vampiric giraffes was leaning over the railing, and licking eagerly at the bloody carcass of a crow that Mina held within one hand, the other hand she was using to tenderly stroke the giraffes' massive head as though it were an oversized dog. D had known the zoo was where he was most likely to find his mother, she seemed to have a way with taming the vampire infected animals that raged here….perhaps her ability to tame beasts was why she chose to marry the King of Vampires.

When Mina turned to regard D with opened arms his reaction was far more tender than the behaviour he'd shown his father. D rushed quite willingly into his mother's embrace, and hugged her tightly. He blinked rapidly, fighting back the shameful sting of tears that gathered in his eyes. D had not cried since the time he was "8" when his father had burned all of his Anne Rice books. His tears betrayed the curse his father had bestowed upon him; they weren't composed of salt, but of blood. Mina however was openly crying, but her tears were not of blood. Her skin was quite pale, but it was warm, just like D's.

There were slight and very human wrinkles around her sad, black eyes, and across her brow. Her unbound black hair fell past her knees and was streaked with the occasional grey. In other words she was human. But it wasn't enough that D was the unlikely spawn between a full blooded vampire and full blooded human…Dracula had his say in that. D was something much, much more. The fact that he didn't pay the bloody carcass Mina had cast onto the ground a mite of attention was evident to that fact.

For as long as D could remember he'd yearned to explore the worlds that lay beyond the rugged mountains of Romania, but in that same thought he dreaded to leave his mother alone to the cruelty of his father. Mina was the first to pull away from him, "You're leaving right now?"

D near dreaded to hear her voice. It was so broken, so hollow and detached, as though she were speaking to him from the other side of the Earth. "Yes." he answered steadily.

Mina reached into the power of her gown and pressed something small and cool within the hand that wasn't laden with money sacks. "It isn't much I know, just something for you to remember me by. Please…" her voice wavered with tears, "Please don't forget me."

D looked down at his gift, it was a circular shaped sapphire necklace set within pure gold. It was simple, but immensely elegant. It was one of Mina's favourite necklaces. D didn't hide the smile that crossed his thin lips as he looked down on the necklace, and instantly he slipped it onto his neck. "Thank you, I'll never forget you."

They embraced tightly once again, and parted with an innocent mother and son kiss upon the lips. "I love you. Goodbye D…" Mina wept openly as D turned to leave.

He couldn't bear to return her words, knowing very well that those words could be the last words he spoke to her.

* * *

Until now D had never once seen the world outside of the walls of the castle. He swiftly found out that he simply didn't fit into sparsely populated countryside. More than anything else they sneered at D's ridiculous outfit, and slyly laughed at his pointed ears and stark white skin. Despite the fact that he spoke fluent Romanian he heard himself being accused of being "a plastic fang welding tourist." He heard the Romanian equivalent to the word "transvestite" as well, but that was a term D could not recall hearing within the castle before and its meaning escaped him. D could never before recall feeling such anger at innocent passerbies as their faces twitched in disgust, laughed and none to politely asked if he needed directions to Hotel Dracula. His first impulse was to attack and to bear his far from plastic fangs and demand an apology, but though sheer will he managed to keep reign over his anger, and searched for the nearest bank. Once he converted his money into a more manageable form he boarded the first train to Bucharest. He didn't forget his promise to throw the defective condoms, roofies and money sacks into the Arges River.

D made it a point to look nobody in the eye as he sat within the darkest corner of the train. Once more everyone was glaring not only at his unearthly appearance, but at the ludicrous outfit he'd left Castle Dracula in. Currently the future hunter of vampires was wearing an electric green wife beater, red, skin tight leather pants, a fez hat perched on his unruly black hair and sparkling blue high heels. Since he'd truly arrived within civilization he'd seen only one other person dressed like himself, and he was certain that person possessed both male and female genitals. Before now he'd had not the slightest idea how humans typically dressed…he only wore what his father had supplied him with. Soon enough he was suppressing his vampire nature not for need of blood, but for need to attack and steal some realistic clothing. Only his desperate need to flee as far from his father's homeland swiftly kept that in check.

When the train at last stopped within Romania's capital city D made it his first order of business to visit a clothing store, when he suddenly paused as though mesmerized. Sitting on one of the benches was a girl of perhaps 21 years of age. Like himself she was dressed far unlike anyway else, yet she seemed proud of the fact. Her clothing was entirely in black, and she wore countless spikes around her neck, wrists, her combat boots, even her face was pierced with small spikes. Her head was held high, and she was smiling, revealing clearly fake vampire fangs glued to her teeth, even her lips were painted black. She wasn't especially beautiful as far her features…but her manner of dress…it was quite enthralling. The complete opposite of the garish clothing Dracula had thrust upon him. She seemed to know well that she was a social outcast to society, yet she appeared to be flaunting the fact rather than moping over it.

The girl in black was wearing a pair of white ear buds in her heavily pierced ears and drumming her black nailed hands to the rhythm of her music. The music she was blaring through her slender music device was turned up loud enough for even a human to hear each screaming lyric, the heavy drums and each chaotic strains of the guitars. It was an overall sound that appealed to D's anger, to his hatred and his reclusive nature.

"_I never wanted it to end like this, but flies will lay their eggs! Take your hatred out on me, make your victim my head. You never ever, ever believed in me…"_

D easily pushed aside his reservations of approaching the girl dressed in black, he just hoped she didn't hear his high heels clacking to loudly again the pavement as he approached. She didn't appear the least bit phased by his appearance as stood before her.

"That song…what is it?"

"It's "Tourniquet" by Marilyn Manson." The girl beamed, "Pretty kick ass isn't it?"

"May I listen to her?"

The girl burst out with laughter, "Her_? _You must have been living under a rock or something!" But eagerly enough she shared her headphones with D.

* * *

_**March 28, 2009**_

D was "21" years of age when he first set foot onto American soil after departing from a flight from Tokyo to Vancouver, then making his way down into Seattle.

He'd been alive for ten years, but he had the physical appearance and mentality of a 21 year old man. Most vampires born of sexual union aged at much the same pace as human children, until aging ceased completely between 18- 24 years of age, but D wasn't just a vampire. He'd only heard legends that vampires and humans could produce a child…a dhampir, as his father called it, but D was the only dhampir he knew to exist. In his past years of exploring the world he'd encountered countless humans, hundreds of natural and man made wanders, countless of teenagers that called themselves Lestat or Dracula, a few sporadic covens of vampires squatting in graveyards, but no dhampirs.

After a short walk through downtown Seattle he purchased a brand new Harley Davidson and began to ride. His plan was to visit each of the 50 states, starting with Washington, and then moving on downward, zig-zaging his way up into Maine, and then through Canada, and into Alaska. It may not have been the fastest route, but it wasn't as though time and money were a factor. Before beginning his journey had had the notion of riding to the edge of the mostly forest inhabited state of Washington to see the shores of the Atlantic Ocean from an entirely different vantage point. He even wondered if his keen eyes could detect the slightest trace of Asia countless miles away.

D flew down Seattle's Interstate 5, than exited onto route 101, that would ultimately take him toward the Atlantic shore. For the most part all he passed was nothing but lush trees spiked with majestic mountains, and the scenery brought a smile to his pale face. The rugged mountains, and constantly overcast sky it called Romania back to mind, the only home he'd truly known. There where times he missed it so much he forgot even his father's ridicules clothing also resided there.

There were only two sleepy towns stretched out in the deserted highway, Fairholm and Forks. At the town of Forks D turned onto an even more deserted, little route that was known as 110, or La Push road. According to his GPS it would take him straight to the Atlantic. The road was almost overgrown by the ever pressing forest around him, and D pushed the bike to it's top speed, and somehow managed to coax and extra 50 miles out of the screaming engine. 10,000 years from now D would have never dreamed of driving so recklessly, not unless this situation depended on it.

A thin Ipod was stuffed into the pocket of his leather jacket, and blood red headphones were blasting the screaming lyrics of his current favorite song, _The Nobodies _by Marilyn Manson. True the artist was old news to most of the world, yet ever since meeting the stranger in Bucharest D found he could not get enough of him.

D could still hear his surroundings about him…but there wasn't much to hear. All in all he was utterly unfocused, a mistake the future Hunter would have been incapable of. He was muttering lowly along with the lyrics. "_We are the nobodies wanna be somebodies, we are the nobodies, wanna be somebodies! When we're dead, they'll know just who we are…"_

It was then that D spotted it, an immense tawny shadow that leapt into the middle of the roadway, directly within this past of his motorcycle hurtled down the road at near 150 miles. He had the vague impression that while the shadow was clearly that of some immense animal there appeared to be something mounted on it's back, something that looked vaguely human.

"OH SHIIII…." he screamed and squeezed the breaks with an effort he knew to be useless. The engine wailed in agony, and the tires screamed but he didn't slow in the least. The bike shuttered, then plugged directly into the center of the hulking animal. Instantly the force of the impact vaulted D off the bike, over the handle bars and up into the air. He saw the pavement rushing up to greet him none to kindly, but he never felt anything. There was only a momentarily twinge of impact before everything else faded into a haze of numbness.

* * *

Renesmee Cullen wasn't listening to the sounds of the forest around her, but if she had been paying attention she would have head D's screaming motorcycle. Rather she was focused the sound of her favorite song blasting through her ears. She'd grown up with this song…if one could call her three years of rapid growth a childhood.

"_Dance magic dance, dance magic dance. Jump magic jump! Jump magic jump! Put that babies spell on me! Slap the baby, make him free!" _

She could dimly hear the faint roaring of an engine ever against David's Bowies _"Magic Dance." _but she dismissed it as unimportant. All that mattered now was the pounding of furious paws beneath her, and the tug of the wind tearing thorough her long, bronze curls. This matchless thrill of riding atop of a werewolf, of her dearest friend Jacob Black was all that mattered to her. Coupled with a bit of the _Labyrinth_ soundtrack, Taylor Swift or even Avril Lavigne there was nothing else quite like racing through the forests mounted on Jacob's back after a successful hunt. It was almost as powerful as the kill.

Renesmee Cullen's hands clinched in Jacob's tawny fur, and she wound her legs tighter about his heaving flanks. "Faster Jacob, _faster_!" She screamed out.

Renesmee blushed quite a bit out of embarrassment rather than sheer adrenaline. She hadn't known just how risqué' that act of riding on top of Jacob could look until about 7 months ago, when she'd began to mature into sexuality. From then could think of nothing but how raw, how _passionate_ the idea of sex, any thing related to sex at all felt to her body. Now she hungered for far more than just blood.

She pushed the thought aside as best she could, and forced herself to laugh, to savor the joy of the moment. Jacob's claws clacked onto the black asphalt of La Push road. And then impact.

That was the only word she could use to describe it. Impact. Or maybe BLAM!

Pain, agony, screaming…all that came a few moments afterward. "Magic Dance" was snapped sharply into nothingness. OUCH! That was the only word that followed BLAM!

Something had slammed into wolf and rider with all the force of gravity in one of it's most nasty forms. All she saw was white, and then in the next moment she was on the ground and actually screaming in pain. This in itself was equally upsetting, she couldn't recall the last time she'd been in pain. She blinked rapidly, trying to fight back her tears. Apparently it had been a motorcycle they had collided with, as there were pieces of chrome, rubber and pipes everywhere.

"Jake!" Renesmee cried out, he to was screaming. He was quite human now, and blood was gushing from a deep, jagged wound that spanned from his hips to collarbone.

"OH JAKE!" she moaned and crawled toward his side. She didn't need to look down to see that her right leg and hip was pulverized by the impact. She wrapped her arms about Jacob's shoulders and kissed his dark cheeks. "Your gonna be okay…"

"Never mind me!" Jacob growled out. "The rider…were the hell is the rider!"

Renesmee gasped. She'd been so absorbed in the welfare of her immortal friend that she'd forgotten about the mortal rider that had happened upon them. Nessie glanced over the twisted mess of metal, howled out in a scream that could only be termed as banshee like. It looked like a scene directly out of one of the _Saw_ movies. A boy, not much older than her was laying limply on the asphalt. The biker had been wearing shirt advertising the newest release from Marilyn Manson ,the same one she'd seen modeled in Hot Topic two days earlier. It was clear he likely got his entire outfit from Hot Topic, from his Doc Martens, to his streaks of violent blue hair…and only a few black and blue strands clinging to bloody clumps where all that was left the top of his skull. Everything from the crown of his head and downward was missing, and strewn out across the asphalt in clumps. Nessie wrenched back from the scene, gagging and heaving as though she were about to puke. Jacob was screaming in horror as well.

I…I can't believe…" Renesmee began but soon trailed off. She couldn't help but to look again at the victim. Yes…he couldn't have been a day over 18-21 years old. There was still a good portion of his face intact, and in life it seemed his features had been quite refined, and his skin flawless, although very pale. His eyes were still opened, they didn't appear horrified. They looked more stunned than anything else, and they were still quite striking. They were two, smooth and faultless orbs of black that could have easily paralyzed just any woman they glance at. He was pierced quite a few times, three times in each eyebrow, and twice on both sides of his bottom lip. His ears were heavily adorned with countless studs and bars. This was a risky look…on most it would have looked flipping ridiculous but this young man pulled it off flawlessly. He could have been a model…the perfect model for Hot Topic clothes.

The gorgeous dark eyes blinked.

She leapt backward with a scream. "Jake…Jacob he just…"

Jacob didn't hear the rest, and didn't need to. He'd just see the young man's fingers twitch. He would have said that it was merely a reflex signal from the brain…but this boy's brain was splattered across the pavement. Where was he getting those signals?

"Oh my God!" Renesmee gasped as she crawled over to the boy's side, "He's…he's breathing! I…I don't know how but he's breathing!"

Renesmee didn't feel any fear as she reached out to touch the boys hand, taking note of how graceful that hand was, how the black polished nails were quite long, and sharp. She took it gently, and pushed her half askewer heart shaped sunglasses up into her hair so that she could fully take in the dark, lovely eyes that were staring up her in full consciousness. "Hold on there, just hold on. Your still alive, we can help you…I…my Grandfather is a doctor! Jacob, get Grandpa on the phone!

Jacob didn't seem to acknowledge his injuries as he moved and tugged free a bulky object that was tied to ankle. It was a pair of jeans with a thin cell phone in the pocket.

Renesmee didn't bat an eyelash at the sight of Jacob's naked body. She'd seen it countless times after he phased, although the sight of it had certainly become _a lot _more interesting as of late.

"What the hell…" groaned an unfamiliar, rusty voice. It could only have been that of the boy laying with only half his skull on the pavement. It didn't sound the least bit like he was in pain. The boy in the Hot Topic clothing without a brain suddenly pulled himself up into a sitting position.

Both Jacob and Renesmee jumped back with shrill screams, Renesmee leapt directly into Jacob's naked arms, and began to tremble, not even aware of the fact that her half bared thigh was flush against his package. Jacob's face however showed a slight hint of interest, but that was quickly pushed aside as he watched the boy.

For Renesmee the sight of what followed was far worse than anything movies like _Halloween_, _Jason _or _Freddy Kruger _could have offered. It was more like something out of the _Lovecraft _stories that she'd read in secret at the library, there was something so evil, so unworldly about it. She would later think : _All he's is missing is a lot of tentacles, and BAM, he's be perfect Lovecraft material! _

The Hot Topic boy missing half of his skull was hunched over, and panting, and his eyes were glowing a feral red, and his mouth was opened. He had the eyes of a vampire that fed on human blood. Two immense fangs jutted past his lips that had been painted in black lipstick. Then the brainless boy lurched forward, his thin hands grasping at her and Jacob.

"AHHH WHAT THE HELL! OH MY GOD WHAT THE HELL IS HE!"

She'd never before seen a creature like this. Her world was composed of werewolves and vampires…but not the vampires of legend. Not the fanged demons that swooped out of the night to feed upon their victims like bats. Not fiends that could still move without a brain. That was the stuff reserved for _Dracula_, _Buffy the Vampire Slayer _and the _Hellsing_ anime/mangas. But this was the real world. Here all fangs were plastic, and vampires glittered in the sunlight.

The boys fingers clamped down on Nessie's bad ankle. "Get away you fanged freak!" She squealed and slammed her good foot into the boys midsection. She felt bones crunching beneath her foot, than the fanged boy groaned and spit a glob of something out of his mouth that landed on her leg. "EWW! AGHHH!" She cried not wanting to look at whatever the blood mess was, it didn't look like just blood. The Hot Topic Boy's hand didn't release from her leg.

For something with no brain it was moving in a rather focused way, it yanked Renesmee by her foot out of Jacob's arms and across the pavement and into it's embrace, it gripped Renesmee's head, and slammed it down again the asphalt, hard enough for her to feel her scalp being cut open. Her neck was bared, and the Hot Topic's boy's fangs didn't look the least bit like plastic.

"KILL IT! EWW, IT'S GOING TO BITE ME, JAKE KILL IT KILL IT KILL…"

"SHUT UP!" The rough voice had come from the Hot Topic boy. "Well go on then. Are going to tell me why the hell I am super glued to this chair? Are you worthy of the immobile arts? "

"What…" Renesmee questioned…maybe if she could keep this zombie vampire thing talking it would not bite her. From the corner of her eye she saw Jacob pull himself up from the asphalt, moving as fast as his healing body would allow him.

"Spill it! The jelly beans, where the hell are you hiding the jelly beans. Purple monkey dishwasher!" the boy babbled. Ugh! His mouth was dripping with salvia and blood.

Still, she kept talking, "Umm…the jelly beans? Umm….in your ass!" It was the best she could come up with. Jacob has stalked over to the edge of the road, and he grabbed the first thing he came across, a metal pole with a green sign marking that the Quileute reservation was 20 miles away. Jacob's hands tightened ever so slightly on the pole before he yanked it clear out of the ground.

"No! That's my father's ass your thinking of. THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID. Bwahahahaha!" As soon as the boy was done laughing at his brainless ramblings his glowing eyes turned again to her neck, his cheshire cat smile was even more frightening than his missing brain. So rutheless and jagged...from some reason Nessie could think only of Alucard from _Hellsing_. "Ohh…neck cleavage. Yummy!" His lips curled in snarl and leaned down again across her neck.

"Jake! Now would be a great…" She didn't need to finish the sentence, the Hot Topic zombie thing went sprawling off her and onto the road. Oddly enough she never saw Jacob wield the sign…but she had seen the boy's left hand raise as though by it's own will and with an amazing amount of force punch himself in the jaw.

Now Jacob entered, swinging the 20 mile to the Quileute Reservation sign with wild abandon down on the thing's head and body. It rolled across the pavement like a dead cat. Renesmee bolted upward and wrapped her arms around Jacob's naked torso, cringing behind his broad back. "Is he…"

The boys left hand moved to it's own accord, for a second she thought he was waving to them…but there was something in the palm of his hand. For a moment she swore it was a rock of some sort…except it was glued to the palm…and it had a face. An old mans face. "Dead, nah, far from it!"

Again Nessie shrieked out in fear, and this time Jacob joined her, a high pitched and a far from wolf sounding scream.

"Woah woah, easy…" the talking hand piped up, but not soon enough. Jacob covered his girlish screaming with a roar of manly rage, and brought the green sign hammering down onto the animated hand.

"FEEL THE RAGE OF THE QUILETUE, BITCH!"

"OWW OWWW!" Both of them could hear the hand screaming as Jacob's sign sliced down again and again onto both the hand, and the vampire-zombie boy connected with it. But the hand didn't take this abuse for long. Faster even than Jacob's eyes could follow it whipped up, the tiny mouth in the center of the boys palm was opened wide and it chomped down on the edge of the sign.

"SHIT!" Jacob cried. He tried to tear the sing loose of the talking hand, but impossibly the hand held the corner of the sign fast, so tight within it tiny crooked teeth that it wouldn't so much as wiggle. He let go of the pole and turned back to Renesmee, "Lets get the hell out of here Nessie!"

Renessme stood still, "Wait…look!" She pointed to the Lovecraftian mess of boy and talking hand. The hand had cast away the sign so that it joined the pile of twisted motorcycle metal, and the boy was sitting up once again, but now Hot Topic boy didn't appear the least bit interested in either of them.

His mouth was opened again, and with a long tongue that was more lizard like than anything human he was lapping at the blood splattered across his face, than he clamped his mouth down onto his pale wrist. His fangs sank with Hollywood ease into the flesh.

As he drank of his own lifeblood it seemed that he was healing instantly. Tissues and bone were reforming from the formless mass of his skull and pulling themselves back into proper place. Within a matter of five minutes the boys head was completely healed, and had even regrown it's shoulder length black hair.

The trio stared at each other silently for a long moment, then Jacob leapt forth in a flash of black. He was no longer Jacob. Now it was the massive wolf that had lurched from the forest was at the boy's side and started sniffing the boy in great pants, snarling all the while. The Hot Topic boy however didn't even flinch as the wolf investigated him. Renesmee got the impression that this boy didn't fear anything. Apparently he didn't fear needles from the look of his face, and if there was anything less frightening than needles Nessie didn't want to know of it. This boy had seen infinitely worse.

Jacob's snout curled back in a snarl, bearing his own fangs to the Hot Topic boy and the wolf tensed to spring. He didn't make it far. At that moment his hand moved under the wolfs belly and grabbed Jacob by the balls.

"EWWW!" Nessie repeated for what must have been the hundredth time that day. She wished that she had not seen it but that was what happened. The Hot Topic boy had Jacob by the balls. The wolf shrieked out in pain and appeared to loose all thought of attack, the vampire thing effortlessly wrestled the wolf down onto the ground, but then stepped away. She heard the boy growling deep within his throat, in perfect imitation of a wolf. Nessie knew enough of wolves to know that he was saying _"If you try that shit again and you're losing your balls." _Jacob didn't move.

Okay…maybe she did know something worse than needles, only a alpha male wolf could force type of surrender from Jake. And Jake WAS an alpha male. What the hell was this kid?

Hot Topic boy turned his eyes over to Nessie, and merely stared. Suddenly the crimson glow died, leaving only his soft black eyes. She was right. This boy had seen such tragedy behind those kohl lined eyes, agony beyond anything she could know. But she also could not deny the arrow of fierce desire that lurched through her body. I took all her power not to launch herself onto the Hot Topic boy, and to do to him all the primal, shameful things her teenage body had been yearning to do. She rationalized quickly that this sex stare was a weapon of some type, a defense mechanism.

She managed to wrangle a voice from her sex hazed nerves, "What…what are you?"

"I could ask the same for you. You don't smell vampire, or human." said Hot Topic boy, his voice cold and measured as he addressed her. He had some sort of European accent to. A lot like the one Bela Lugosi was famous for. _Great…the sex stare is bad enough, but now we got an accent as well!_

"What…don't tell me I smell…"

"Like him?" Hot Topic boy nodded toward Jacob's submissive form still immobile on the road. "Of course not. You smell of a species I have never met before."

Renesmee winced at the word species, but at least she didn't ooze the reek of wet dog. Jacob, God bless him constantly reeked of wet, sweaty fur, even in human form it lingered. "I am not a species! I am hybrid, part human and part vampire. I grew in my mother's womb while she was still human, but my father was a vampire." She was glad she was talking, it lessened the effect of his sex beam.

"You're a dhampir?"

"Bless you?"

Hot Topic boy's pieced, and oddly lovely face twitched with frustration, " Shit, don't tell me you've never heard the term. _Dhampir_. That's what I am, half vampire and half human. That's what I have spent the last few years of searching the world for!"

"No, I haven't heard the word!" she cried slightly offended at his bluntness. " How the hell can you be part vampire?…I mean you look…look so_ predictable_ you've even got fangs!"

"You don't own fangs?" he said with a furrow of his glittering brow.

"Not real ones. But last month I actually went to Hot Topic and bought some plastic ones, just to see Dad's face. But why would I need real fangs? My God…you even have pointy ears!"

"You possess not even the simple characteristics of a vampire." Unconsciously Hot Topic boy let his black hair fall forward and cover his pointed ears, clearing trying to draw attention away from them. Now that she looked even closer at him he was almost horrifically pale…even more so than the rest of her family. "How do you feed without weapons? How do you hear with such bluntly shaped ears?" His eyes regarded her with a fierce scrutiny.

"Never mind…your alive. You survived the accident, and Jacob didn't rip you to shreds, even if you did have to take him by the balls. I am glad your alive." Renesmee threw on her bravest smile and crawled forward, feeling a dull ache on her slowly regenerating shattered leg. She extended her hand to the boy…this damper? Is that what he called himself? She liked "Hot Topic boy" better. "I am Renesmee Cullen, but most everyone calls me Nessie."

After a long moment's pause the stranger took her hand, she was quite shocked to find it smooth, and quite warm. It didn't look as if he could have held any warmth in his milk white flesh, but his body temperature couldn't have been more than a degree or two less than her own. She could not help but to stare in to his eyes, feeling the spark of desire that bound them together once again. It was more than just what ever sex beam this vampire possessed….what ever he was…fangs and pointy ears aside, he wasn't any different than herself.

All he said was "Call me D."

* * *

So….so…what the hell was _that?_" Renesmee pressed quickly as D glanced at the wreckage with no particular emotion in his eyes.

"What?"

"You know! That thing in your hand."

"What?" said D dismissively. Nessie thought it was an immensely poor imitation of ignorance. He knew damned well what she was talking about.

"You were laying there without a brain, but your hand was up and talking to us. Jacob smashed the shit out of it! What was it!" Now however there wasn't any evidence of his hand having been pulverized by the wraith of the Quileute, it was as smooth and faceless as any other human hand.

"Must be swamp gas refracting the light of Venus, there is nothing wrong with my hand." D said shortly, his tone made it clear that the conversation was over.

There were great stains of blood, and metal scattered across the otherwise quite Washington road, but each of the survivors had recovered sufficiently. The werewolf that Renesmee Cullen called Jacob had phased back into a human form, and thankfully remembered to put on his pants. D was infinitely grateful of that fact. His memory following the crash was fragmented; he only recalled a few things clearly. The first was the sight of naked Native American junk on display…but thankfully not an erect display, the second was something about jellybeans, and the third was of the most lovely dark eyes set within a glowing, youthful face. They stood out the most; therefore D took extra effort not to look directly at them now, even as the glorious young girl questioned him frantically.

It seemed as though the wolf had calmed from his previous state of Quileute rage, even if D had been forced to grab him by the balls to do so. The truth was there was no better way to show a werewolf who was boss than to go for the nuts.

D was shifting through the wreckage of his motorcycle with a blank expression etched on his face, and the now clothed werewolf was helping him. "You know…this really isn't as bad as it all looks." said Jacob thoughtfully, showing only humble submission for D. "It's mostly body damage; I think I can repair the engine. I am sure of it."

"Don't bother. I'll buy another one." D answered indifferently and pulled free the shattered remains of his laptop from the backpack that had once been strapped to the bike. He rummaged through the fragmented plastic and wires and found the hard drive. D breathed a sigh of relief, his computer was wrecked, but at least his music files had survived the crash. He pulled out three more survivors from his backpack. A fat, unmarked bottle of pills, a paperback copy of _Pride, Prejudice and Zombies_, and a zip lock bag filled a strange, leafy substance.

"What's that?" Renesmee questioned naively, "Oregano? Why is oregano so important?"

D didn't answer her question as he merely stuffed the objects into one of his many pockets. "Where is the nearest town?"

"It's Forks, about 30 minutes away to the east, but my home is much, much closer. Why don't you come stay the night with my family? My family always loves company, and I don't think that Jake will be happy until he gets a chance to tinker with your bike."

"I am not the type you bring home to families Renesmee."

D could have sworn that she saw the lovely young dhampir blush as he said her name.

Nevertheless she moved to face D directly in the eye. D found that he could only think of line from a Manson song:

"_Little girl you better close those eyes, that blue is getting me high. Don't break, don't break my heart, and I won't break your heart shaped glasses." _

True this lovely young girl's eyes were a rich chocolaty brown rather than blue, but she was wearing pink heart shaped glasses pushed up within her golden hair. She was an enticing image unlike any the world had ever before presented to him. He couldn't bear to look to closely at her face, or her lovely and realistically proportioned body. Just her sweet human scent was enough to make him hard.

"But D, we wrecked your bike. How will you get to town? Where will you sleep?"

"Don't worry about it. The bike is a luxury, and I never sleep indoors."

"No." Renesmee said, but her voice was far from demanding. In fact it was downright sweet. She took his hand quite fearlessly. He was shocked at its warmth…it was almost impossible to tell that she was a vampire, she flesh was so warm, so full of life. "Stay, just for few hours. I'll at the very least drive you to Forks. I have to buy some new lipstick anyway; my favourite tube was in my pocket when we crashed. It's mush now!"

She wouldn't take no for an answer it seemed, so D simply followed her. Jacob called back that he would call her once he got the wreck of D's bike back to his home on the Quileute reservation, and without a backward glance Renesmee pulled D into the forest.

Once they'd moved far enough away from the half naked werewolf D began to dig deeply into the pockets of his leather jacket, he pulled free the sad remains of his IPod. "Shit!" he cursed and tossed it angrily onto the ground, and stomped on the remains. They grounds instantly to dust beneath this combat boots.

Shocked Renesmee took a visible step back, "I am sorry…I'll help you buy a new one. You can borrow mine till then. "

"Don't worry about it. Money isn't an issue. I am just…off my medicine." D explained shortly, and began to rummage through his pockets again.

"I am sorry." She supplied conversationally, "Um…what's wrong? Are you sick?"

"I have seen too much _fucked up _shit, that's what it wrong! That crash isn't helping me any. If I don't have my meds it overwhelms me."

Renesmee was shocked at how many random objects were falling from the Hot Topic boy's pockets: countless receipts, cigarettes, lighters, the twisted remains of a I Phone, an insane amount of credit cards, earrings, necklaces, bracelets and body jewellery. He didn't seem to care for any of it as it fell to the forest floor. At last he seemed to turn up with something that lit D's dark eyes with a hint of life, "Oh thank fucking God!"

Renesmee stared at him blankly. He'd been searching so wildly for a cigarette? But countless ones had fallen from his pockets and they now littered the forest floor. Granted to her this one did seem rather strange, it didn't have a filter or even a brand name, it looked like he'd rolled it by hand. He brought the cigarette to his mouth, but rather than lighting with a lighter it seemed instead that he lit by simply touching to the palm of his hand, the same hand he said was the result of swam gas reflecting on Venus.

"Eww. What sorta brand of cigarette is that? It smells awful."

D didn't choose to answer, instead he took a deep inhale of the foul smelling smoke and walked onward, as though he seemed to know instinctively where he was going. She pulled a very amusing, scrunched sort of face as the smell of the smoke overcame her; it was so adorable on her lovely features that D couldn't help but to smile.

"Geeze, that doesn't even smell like tobacco, more like a burning ass. Wait…"

Apparently she made the connection with the bag of "oregano" and a hand rolled cigarette. The innocent horror that flooded her face was almost as endearing as her previous expression.

"Your smoking _weed_!" Again her cheeks were flushed with color, "That….that's wrong D! That's illegal!"

He exhaled without care, "Like I care. I told you, it's my medicine."

"I am serious!" she almost squealed in fear, "Put that out! They'll haul you off to jail for that. Oh my god….and I am just watching you! They'll throw me in there too!"

"Who? We're in the middle of the forest. Besides up in Canada it's legal for medical purposes, I have a prescription, I told the doctor I have MS. I am very convincing. I could blow smoke in Obama's face and he'd just have to sit there tripping on it."

"W…well, I guess if it's medical." Her voice was actually trembling in fear.

"Poor little Renesmee, if somebody smoking weed is the scariest thing that you have ever seen than you a lot of learn."

"Hey!" Renesmee cried in offense, "I haven't….I mean…" she paused. D saw that it was apparent from her face that he was right, second only to the crash this was likely the worst thing she'd ever seen. "That is very rude, D. You don't even know me."

He took another long drag off his cigarette that was actually a joint and inhaled about half of it. He leaned back against a tree and didn't appear the least bit interested on moving from that spot. "Your right, I don't. So what do you eat?"

"What?"

"It's a simple question, what do you eat? Blood or food?"

Renesmee was utterly shocked, just who the hell did this kid think he was? Smoking illegal substances right in front of her, and then demanding to know her diet. "I can eat both, but I do love blood. But I am even fonder of macaroni."

"Well, aren't you the lucky one. I can only eat blood. You still don't look like any vampire I have run across." D said indifferently, already it appeared the drug was taking effect on him, his eyes had taken on a strange distant sort of look. "Honestly…I don't think you qualify as half vampire without fangs."

Renesmee stiffened, "Why, why are you being so short with me, again, you don't even freaking know me. I haven't done anything to you. And you don't look like any vampire I have ever known either. I have seen three years olds dressed as Dracula that look more convincing!"

She couldn't deny in that moment he suddenly did look extremely horrifying…again his eyes flashed red. Had she said something terribly wrong?

D however didn't press the issue, he took another long drag and the red glare died away instantly "Where do you sleep?"

She twitched, "In a bed. I suppose you sleep in a coffin lined in red satin or some cheesy crap."

"Did you see one strapped to my bike?" he answered, voice still sardonic, and almost cruel.

"No." she replied calmly as possible. It took all her power not to reach out and slap him.

"Then no. I mostly sleep on the ground."

"Oh, neat." she shrugged, and did say anything else. Instead she waited for Hot Topic boy to finish his extremely illegal cigarette. It didn't take him long, he inhaled it almost faster than she could follow. Once he was finished he snuffed it out against a tree. When he again meet Renesmee's face he looked completely different, calm, almost at peace with himself. Or else really stoned. She wasn't sure which it was.

"What is your favourite book?" he asked out of the blue and began to walk again, letting Renesmee lead the way once again.

"Huh?"

"Book. Mine is Lord of the Rings. I have lost count how many times I have read it. Last year I dressed up as Frodo on Halloween, but I ended up wearing the costume for two weeks after. I wish I was Frodo. I was just thinking of how much I like this forest…it is the type of forest I would imagine the Ents to dwell in."

She couldn't believe the transformation in him, but she laughed and accepted it gladly.

He might not exactly be high on life, but the Hot Topic boy with the talking hand was a lot more personable now. "I guess mine is Wuthering Heights, but I blame my Mom for that one. She obsessed with that book. I think it's because of my Dad…he reminds her of Heathcliff, and she likes those idiot dangerous types."

"Yes, yes I would know something about that. That's the story of my existence. My mother fell in love with the idiot dangerous type, he enslaves her for life, and then I come along to make damn sure she stays with him for life."

"Really!" Renesmee perked up instantly, "That's how it is with your parents to? What is she like…your mother?"

This was Nessie's first clue that the elusive and stoned Hot Topic boy was in fact half human and not merely some odd vampire. Other than the fact that he walked easily within the sunlight, he'd seemed unworldly, almost demonic. Now however his face flickered with emotion, with sorrow, and he gazed down at his chest. The longest of the five or six necklaces he wore didn't fit in with the rest of his apparel; it was gold with a round sapphire jewel.

D had not removed that necklace even once; in several countries he'd killed the men that had tried to rip it from his neck. He missed Mina far more than he cared to admit, he wished he could call her every night, but more often than not it was his father that answered the phone and launched into the detailed questions about the girls he was supposed to be screwing. "She is…she's very kind. A wonderful woman really. A true testament to the beauty, strength and kindness of women. But she was at the wrong place at the wrong time, and got involved with my father, then knocked up with me. She may not be dead yet, but her life is over."

"Yeah?" Her voice was rapt with interest, "Sounds like my Mom and Dad and yours have the same story. Poor Mom. I know they were in love at first but now…now it's like they are trying to possess each other…I mean the way Dad talks to her…the way he acts like he can't bite a deer without her at his side. It's sick. What's your father like?"

"Mine? My father is not a man who should be granted another breathe of life. His fashion tastes alone ought to earn him a place within the nearest black hole."

"Really? Wow…sometimes I feel that way about my Dad, not that he breathes that is. But he certainly deserves to have his sparkling ass kicked across Forks a few million times."

"Sparkling ass?" D inquired his relaxed face almost frantic, "Oh please don't tell me he wears sequined pants."

Nessie could not help but to burst into laughter, "Well no…you'll see what I mean, come on. Let's see if you can keep up with me." She grabbed D's left hand and began to run.

"Wait! FUCK!" D suddenly cried out, and yanked his hand away from Renesmee's.

Nessie was already running at Mach 1 when D had yanked away from her, she whipped about as the dhampir pulled away and ground to a halt as best she could, tearing up massive furrows in the ground as her legs rooted downward. A thin evergreen came thundering down to the right of her, and slumped over the jagged stump was the Hot Topic boy, D. His black eyes were twice as wide as normal as he looked at the immense tree before him. They were thoroughly bloodshot. There was a vivid red imprint of tree bark on his pale face. "Wa….what just happened?" he half slurred.

Nessie clucked her tongue. She'd never even been drunk before, much less dealt with a stoner, "You freaking dolt! You let go of my hand and smacked into a tree! Look what you did to it! Poor tree!"

D pulled himself up from rubble and rubbed at his face, instantly checking to make sure him numerous piercings were in place. "Why did I do that?"

"I dunno…why did you let go!" she huffed.

"Oh…oh…I did, right?" Suddenly he looked down at his left hand with a wince.

Renesmee couldn't see the miniature face that rested within the palm from where she was standing but she was dead certain she could hear a tiny, rattling voice laughing. He moved away from the ruins of the tree and held out his right hand instead. "If you must lead me than use this hand."

"Ooookay." She said and took his right hand instead.

"You see…there is something called Alien Hand Syndrome, I've got it. I am not shitting you, Google it. It is a neurological disorder were one hand does whatever the fuck it want to, I have no control over it. Given my strength it might clinch and crush your hand to bits, I don't like anyone touching it."

"Really….like in Dr. Strangelove?" Nessie smiled, knowing it was another lie, "Because I could have sworn that hand _does _have a life of it own…and you just said there was nothing wrong with your hand ten minutes ago."

"Let's go." he replied dismissively, and let Renesmee began to run again.

D did admit that he was impressed by the speed of the young dhampir girl, his feet didn't want to move quite as fast as hers did, but then again slowing down a bit was an unavoidable side effect of his "meds", once they stopped D stumbled forward for a second before tumbling unceremoniously down onto his ass. He closed his eyes and caught his breath and tried to ignore the little voice that whispered in his ear. "Hahaha, way to show off there lover boy. Get baked, run into a tree and out run by a chick. Your just putting on all the moves."

"Shut up." he hissed, hopefully low enough to where Renesmee could not hear, yet she'd heard ever word of the conversation.

"You okay?" she said, suppressing a giggle.

"I am fine. My meds just tend to heighten all your senses. Running like that gets a bit overwhelming." He looked up at the house that loomed before. For a moment there he'd almost been expecting a great looming fortress surrounded by a mote with majestic towers to be nestled within the heart of the forest, but often times D forgot that Romania was not the world. A spacious three story house with softly faded white paint and immense windows stood before them, the landscaping about it was meticulous and quite lovely.

He looked up at the dhampir girl in surprise, "No, this defies logic. Vampires can't live here. There are to many windows"

Another hypnotic smile, "Well see for yourself. What did you expect? Coffins, and dungeons and moats?" She bent down to take his hand…the right one and lead him inside.

"Of course." D shrugged and let her lead again.

D's jaw actually dropped as he entered the house, everything about the house was light, spacious, and airy. There didn't seem to be any walls, just glass revealing the gorgeous shaded forest that surrounded them and the brook meandering down below. Everything was a shade of white, and the art subtle and modern. There wasn't a moss covered stone, a tapestry, candelabra, coffin, torture device, or even a black velvet curtain to be seen anywhere. If a full blooded vampire…at least vampire as D knew them were to attempt to live within this room they would instantly combust.

"Mom! Dad!" Nessie called out, D however didn't budge from the subtle shadows of the corridor. His heart was pounding, but he wasn't sure if that was because of the marijuana or the unnatural state of this house.

"Nessie!" A musical voice drifted down from the massive spiraled stair case, followed by a mere slip of a girl dressed in designer clothing and Prada heels, her black hair was cut into short, wild spikes and she was pale, far paler than Renesmee with dark shadows beneath her eyes. D was certain this woman wasn't a lesbian, but her hair simply screamed diffrently. "So did you find him? Who is he? I saw that you and Jacob had an accident, but everyone was okay but I couldn't see who…." the woman froze instantly on the steps, her dark eyes flying wide. She'd just caught sight of D.

An instant later a tall young man with wild blonde hair, feral golden eyes and a face covered in scars appeared at the woman's side. His face was as pale as hers, and it reflected a kaleidoscope of emotions, mostly fear. There were six more blurs of people materializing before him, undoubtedly vampires from their skin and super human speed.

Each of these people were paired off.

The first pair were clearly Renesmee's parents, the male resembled her greatly. He had the same sculpted face and the same shade of bronze colored hair, her mother was utterly beautiful, with thick long waves of russet colored hair. Renessme must have inherted the shape of her lovely eyes from her, even though the mother had golden eyes, the same as the rest of the vampires surrounding him. D's eyes didn't linger long on the mother, there was something about her expression that reminded him all to strongly of his own mother.

The second pair looked like your typical American couple. The woman was blonde, and quite frankly hypnotic in her beauty but the scowl she wore on her face, the fierceness air of snobbery in her golden eyes made her no more attractive than Medusa. Her mate was an immense hulk of a man with short curly hair that resembled pubes, he was rippled with muscle and primed for the football field, but his eyes had a seemingly vacant expression.

The last copule was by far the most inviting to D's panicked gaze. They were older than the others, but only slightly, the two possessed the same highly perfected, almost glorified features of all the other vampires. The male had blonde hair, and the features humans would have desired in movie stars. His eyes were wonderfully curious as he regarded the dhampir cowering the shadows. The female was brunette with a heart shaped face, and an expression that simply screamed to the world that she possessed the kindest of hearts and that she didn't fear D in the least.

"Everyone, meet D. He's a hybrid like me. I think he called himself a damper or something. D, meet the Cullens." The spike haired semi dike was Alice, her deer caught in the head lights husband was Jasper. The bitch bombshell was Rosalie, the glorified football player was Emmett. The kindest appearing of the pairs were introduced as Carlisle and Esme, while Renesmee's mother and father went by the names of Edward and Bella.

Each of them had golden eyes, flawless skin save for the dark rims under their eyes and not a hint of fangs. And they positively reeked. It wasn't a foul scent necessarily….but an overpowering one, like someone has dropped a ten gallon jug of perfume, followed by a tank of molasses.

Nessie urged D out of the shadows. "Well go on D, tell them about yourself. Where do you come from? Where are you going, what is your last name?"

He heard several of the "vampires" gasp as they saw in more direct light, he wasn't sure if it was because of his unworldly appearance or his style.

"Just call me D." he said. It was easier that way. His father's name was actually Vlad Dracula, but he preferred only his surname. Still the case was that D's birth name was Dracula…making his full name Dracula Dracula. It appeared his fathers originality went entirely to his science and style of clothing and left nothing left for naming his offspring.

" It is _dhampir_. My mother was human. I am from Romania, and I am not going anywhere." he barely muttered the words. These non fanged, non burning, reeking vampires….the prospect of talking to them all while his senses were raging between laziness and hyperactivity due to his drugs…he was feeling very overwhelmed indeed.

"My god!" It was the semi-dyke that spoke first and appeared to float over to his side, "Who in the world taught you how to dress? Dear lord, don't tell me you shop at Hot Topic! What in the world have you done to your face?"

Instantly D's eyes blazed red. Each one of the Cullen's flinched back in fear. After all, to them a red eyed vampire meant a vampire that feasted on human blood.

"Who did your hair, Ellen DeGeneres?" D quipped instantly.

Alice's face was comical with shock, "What! Why you little freak show, how DARE you!"

"Oh, I am sorry. Rosie O' Donnell then?"

Alice's face trembled in hurt and then fury, while Nessie stifled a giggle behind her hand. At that moment a pale figure rushed forward and reached out to yank D to his face by the collar of his shirt, it was Nessie's father. "Now listen here you little punk! If my daughter saw fit to invite to this house than you better show some respect!"

There was another blur that was even paler than the last, and in the next moment Edward Cullen went sailing through the air with his arms pin wheeling wildly. He collided with one of the thick wooden support columns in the middle of the vast living space. It promptly snapped like a toothpick, the ceiling above gave a whine of protest before immense chunks of plaster came raining down onto Edward's perfectly gelled bronze hair. The matronly woman, Esme, gave a scream of horror, and clutched at her heart in a very human way before sway, and collapsed into her husbands arms.

"Hands OFF the Manson shirt!" D hissed.

Not only had this hybrid's hands moved faster than even the Cullen's eyes could follow, and already managed to wreck the house, but he'd _hissed_. He didn't sound the least bit like a vampire as they knew it, he was more like a serpent.

"You…you can't just come in this house, throw about my brother, give my mother a coronary _and _look like that!" Alice replied steadily, her face alone seemed brave enough to face this unnatural snake that had slithered into their quite home. Her husband on the other hand was cowering on the stairs, and actually trembling like a kitten.

"I'll wear whatever I damn well please, _Elen_, and I have no intention of staying here. Renesmee asked me to meet you. I have searched the word for vampires and dhampirs like myself, but I don't see anything the least bit vampire about any of you." D shot back hotly and took a deep breathe, suddenly he craved a joint a lot fatter than the one he'd smoked just minutes ago. He'd been expecting coffins, castles and goblets of blood, but these people made the fake vampire-Goths he's met en mass seem like the true vampires. "I am sorry to have disturbed you Cullens. Miss Esme, I'll pay for the damages. I'll be in Forks."

"Wait a moment." called one of the male vampires, Carlisle if he recalled correctly. He was tenderly stroking his wife's hair who was actually trembling in horror as she surveyed the damage to her house. "You haven't even asked about our diets, about how we react in the sunlight…any moment you'll see…"

As if following Carlisle's words the clouds broke momentarily, allowing a beam of sunlight to break through the very unvampric house. D reeled back and shielded his eyes. He could within stand the sunlight with ease, but that didn't mean he was fond of it. Suddenly millions of sparkles were burned into his retinas, sparkles in the form of humans. Every last one of the Cullen's that claimed they were vampires were glittering within the sunlight, as though their every cell were composed of diamonds rather than anything organic. He glanced over to Renesmee, her skin was shimmering lightly as well, but to a much more tolerable degree than her family. It only made her seem all the more human, all the more alluring. D was flushed with envy. He knew the sunlight was only making him appear all the more pale, even washed out and it tormented his eyes.

The sunlight faded.

"What…was that all?"

This time it was the sensual blonde bimbo who reacted, her full lips curled in a vicious snarl. "What do you mean "was that all"? What the hell were you expecting!"

"Well, that depends on the vampire in question. If it were my father here he would have burst into flame, but there are vampires in existence that can sustain the sunlight. But it always alters their appearance, makes them show their true faces. I was hoping that _your _true face would have made Medusa's seem worthy of entering for the Miss Universe contest."

D heard Renesmee try vainly to stifle her laughter, she lightly smacked his shoulder in a way D could only assume was friendly.

Rosalie's too perfect face flinched with rage and she growled deeply in her throat, a sound akin to that of a bloodthirsty tiger.

Again D smiled in half amusement, "Oh I am trembling in my combat boots _Medusa." _Again D's eyes glowed crimson, and again each of the Cullens drew a collective step back, except for Edward that stumbled through the rumble and Jasper that went sprawling across the stairs behind him, he even uttered as scream. Fangs were jutting past that the line of his black lips. "So, really is this it? That is all you do, sparkle? You don't even scream or turn into bats, monsters, or burst into flame? I confess I am utterly disappointed, fuck I have seen disco balls more impressive than this. My father wears pants more interesting than this."

Edward Cullen leapt his feet, pawing self-consciously at his dust covered hair-do, but he didn't dare approach the fanged creature in his doorway. "What on Earth is wrong with you! Do you think we can live in a society with this deformity? Exposing us for what we are before the wrong people is the most gravest of offense, it is suicide!"

D blinked and half smiled, "You commit suicide by sparkling yourselves to death? How very embarrassing Mr. Cullen."

Again Nessie tried to hide her laughter but failed badly.

Edward on the other hand didn't appear to find this the least bit funny. A tiger like growl rose in his throat, and his hand clamped down on a long, thin legnth of twisted steel and he hurtled it wildly at D. Either D was to stoned to react properly, or Edward's throwing aim was rather pathetic for a vampire, becuse the steel struck the dhampir, but only on the upper part of his thigh. Hardly a fatal wound on any sort of vampire, although it was dangerously close to D's balls. Stunned D yanked the steel from his thigh, greatful it had not landed two inches to right, pulling metal from his balls would have hurt like hell. D could only assume that Edward had been aiming for either his groin or his heart.

D's voice was slightly lower than before, "Oww! You stabbed me you asshole. What the hell is wrong with you? I thought I was your guest! Do you _want _to commit suicide without sparkling?" D began to move forward.

"NO!" Nessie cried and grabbed D by the hand in an act of desperation.

A short moment afterward the panicky blonde on the stairs, Jasper, pulled himself up into a standing position. He was clutching his wife's hand as though for strength, and with a blink suddenly D was seized with a curious feeling…as though he had smoked a pound of weed, and suddenly all was right and peaceful with the world.

Each one of the Cullen's suddenly took on the same blissful/stoned expression.

* * *

_Coming up next … sounds from next door. what Edward never learned in Sex Ed. a transvampite. A phone call from Dracula. Vampire baseball. A kiss. _


End file.
